Want to know how I found happiness after my stillbirth? I searched for it everywhere...

It’s been 9 years since I gave birth to my #stillborn daughter, Gwyneth. It’s always difficult to fathom how I’ve managed to live without her all this time. But I’m here because I CHOOSE to be. I choose happiness. It didn't just come to me; I had to actively seek it out.

Finding Joy Amidst Grief

I look for engaging, joyful activities for myself and my kids. I spend so much time making positive memories that I have very little time to dwell on my trauma. It’s essential to create moments that uplift us, isn’t it?

I stay away from “child loss/stillbirth” social media accounts that promote anger, judgments, jealousy, and negativity. I accept that life is hard. It’s unfair. Life without my child will never be pure bliss. But I CAN and SHOULD experience joy. Wallowing in anger and hate towards pregnant women or people who haven’t said the “perfect comment” to you following your stillbirth won’t bring your baby back. It certainly won’t get you closer to happiness. NOBODY knows what to say to someone whose newborn died! I am always just glad if they braved the awkward discomfort of the situation and attempted to say something caring at all.

Embracing Grief

I opted not to take the loads of prescription painkillers, anxiety pills, and sleeping pills that were given to me at the hospital. I pose no judgment on mothers who do take them. I just knew that my true self needed to experience this grief. I didn’t want to mask any of my feelings. It’s important to honor our emotions, even the painful ones.

Creating a daily to-do list helps me stay focused. I fill it with extra DIY painting projects, decorating tasks, and positive prayers. These activities keep me occupied when I start to fade off into thinking about the day of my daughter's death or any negative thoughts like, "I don't deserve to be a mother." I actively push negative energy away and choose positive activities that bring me joy.

The Fleeting Nature of Life

Holding my dead child in my arms, I saw how fleeting life is. We never know when we or our children may die. Even on my sad days, I smile for my children. I chase after them and listen to their stories. I teach them their school lessons eagerly because their lives are special. They didn’t experience a stillbirth; I did. I REFUSE to miss out on my children right before me or pass my trauma to them.

If you’re grieving from your recent #stillbirth or it’s been several years and you’re still in the same mental place but you don’t want to be—YOU have to choose to go somewhere else. Choose happiness. You will never get over your child’s death. But it’s OK to live. You’re still living for a reason, and you should find out what that is!

Seeking Support and Connection

Finding support during this journey is crucial. Surround yourself with people who understand your pain. Whether it’s friends, family, or support groups, connecting with others can provide comfort. Sharing your feelings can lighten the burden you carry.

Consider reaching out to professionals who specialize in grief counseling. They can offer tools and strategies to help you navigate your emotions. Remember, it’s okay to seek help. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Creating New Traditions

As time passes, creating new traditions can be a beautiful way to honor your child while also embracing life. Perhaps you could start a yearly remembrance day where you celebrate your child’s memory. Light a candle, share stories, or even do something your child loved. These rituals can help you feel connected while also allowing you to find joy in the present.

The Power of Self-Care

Self-care is vital during this journey. Take time for yourself. Engage in activities that nourish your soul. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or indulging in a hobby, prioritize your well-being. You deserve moments of peace and joy.

Moving Forward with Hope

As you navigate this complex journey, hold onto hope. It’s okay to feel joy and sadness simultaneously. Life is a tapestry of emotions, and it’s natural to experience them all. Embrace the good moments and allow yourself to feel the pain when it arises.

Remember, healing takes time. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the small victories along the way. You are stronger than you realize, and your journey is uniquely yours.

In conclusion, while the pain of losing a child may never fully fade, choosing to seek happiness is a powerful act of love. You have the strength to create a life filled with joy, even amidst grief. Embrace your journey, and know that you are not alone. Together, we can find healing and hope.